2002-Roses for a Departed Memory

ALONE IN THE CITY
Alone…
In the dark
Waiting for the morning light
Waiting for another day

Here I am walking, ghostly and pensive
Between overbearing shades of dimly lit edifices
Across dusty asphalt streets that are empty still
And through the wind that smells of languid smoke
As the sound of distant traffic echoes through my mind

This is me, this is myself, and this is I
Alone to myself, alone to the world, and lonelier still
The clock is ticking, yet the sky is still black
The shadows are strong, and I’m just one…

And as I lean against a stack of old tyres
Voices of the heavens descend to my ears
Even through the wind I hear them well still
Making me hasten my steps into the alleys and the gutters…

This is my room, this is the gloom, and those are the echoes
As I dry my tears for one last time
This is the darkness, this is my house, and those are my hopes
A fleeting snowflake of departed times

The time to dream
And the time to die…in vain
Finally…

SAIF MINTAKA
JULY
2002


COMING BACK HOME AGAIN
(The outcome of one of my most suicidal moments...)

Alas,
Through these blinding streetlight and glittering billboards
I am here and nowhere once more
Walking towards the busride paid by this hunch of mine
In the terminal of lost dreams and departed hopes
To pensively resume my journey homeward at best

Again I shall travel the heartless asphalt after raking the clouds for the umpteenth time
Of promises never made to me yet I waited and begged for it in vain

Again I shall travel the weatherworn highways of restlessness bordering on paranoia
Towards home I could never ever return to
Where I’ve said my prolonged goodbyes once too many times
The only thing that kept on bothering me
Under the sky of mars and the moon…

But alas,
This well had dried up a long time ago
Yet misty my eyes will be with every red light that I had to stop at
And the ensuing roar of a late green light as my bus rides on
For it would seem that my life was never like that
And a fighter of non-existing cause I have become:

To retire means without a medal, without honour, and without a smile
To go on means a life of never-ending sorrow and silence
To forever chase a sigh of yesterday’s gold
Which had since corroded with time and age
And I’m already feeling old for my time
I need to rest; I want to go home!

But alas I remember, that the past is my home
And no matter how hard I try I could never go back there again
For it had since moved on beyond the moment of dusk
Never to be seen or touched again

So pray for me, my friends
Pray for me a nice and flowery eulogy under a sun filled sky
To wait for me at the end of this journey
For none of my journeys had been none but thorny
And many a time I shed useless tears
Weathering scolds and curses from those with no eyes
And pushed upside down by those without hearts…

And let this elegiac wanderer sings his final lament to his world
For none shall recall him when his elegy stops
And none shall pay him their final respect
When that dreamer alights, before the Face of God

SAIF MINTAKA
KL
2002


JUST A THOUGHT…
(My homage to Kuala Lumpur's most famous centre for "Modern" Arts and Culture... The Central Market)

There is something about the merry feelings adorning the stones
The wilted dreams and ordained hopes that I breathe
And the loss of substance in me in this scheme of things
But where would these lead me to?
Where would the fluttering of the flautist go when all the ringing had gone?
Lost am I again in the café of fleeting moments?
Perhaps, perhaps this is neither the end nor the beginning
Perhaps this orb needs some re-polishing
Oh well…it’s time I breathe the rainbow again!
Goodbye.

THE SIGN OF SHAIRO
KL
2002


SONG OF THE ETHEREAL FRIENDS
(Written on the day one of my old friends got married...I didn't go to his wedding...I just can't...Dear God I just can't!...)

We were alone, young and curious
When fate brought us to this untouched place
Bringing with us our joy and laughter
That slowly changed the colour of the sky
The colour of the earth
And the colour of our lives, our very lives

Those were the days when we knew no boundaries
For life in this garden was strictly for fun
Where tears and hatred had no place to be
As we sang and played on the fields of hope
While forging our hearts onto the crystal tower
That floats on the sky of every new dawn…

But the tower had long since disintegrated
And the fields of hope had wasted away
For as time went by we’re scattered like pollens
Reducing this friendship to wilted memories
With some had gone to carve their own lives
And some had gone, never to return…

So here on the ruins of yesterday
I sadly watched the last of my kind
Becoming a glittering, glimmering, king for a day
All happy and smiling, holding hands
Looking at each other with feelings of love
Sitting on the throne of a thousand roses…

I then realised, that I am now alone
As I resumed my life of a silent traveller
With nothing before and nothing behind me
And nothing but memories to keep me company…

But I’ll keep on going no matter what happens
Even if I am the last of my kind
And so on the eve of this coming New Year
I cast my wishes on the Well of Time

For a future that’s bright and glorious to us all,
And a life that’s kind and beautiful to the last
As I walk away into the dawn
For we are still, and will always be
Ethereal friends…

SAIFUL NIZAM SHUKOR
MUAR